In my neighborhood, there is a lady that faithfully walks her Corgie. For anyone who doesn't know what a Corgie is or what it looks like, imagine a wiener dog with a big head and lots of fur. She has one of those retractable leashes that she allows her dog to run to the maximum length and always in someones yard. Can't tell you how many times she's nearly had her dog eaten by other dogs! It got me thinking..........
I'd like to consider myself an animal lover but in truth I prefer cats over dogs every day till the cows come home. I worked in a pet clinic for four years and I got my fill of every type of dog and cat ( and creepy birds) imaginable. I also got to see 1st hand what lengths people will go to on behalf of their treasured fur kids. We pet owners tend to spare no expense! Below are some really stupid things pet owners will buy---
- "Bowser Beer": a non alcoholic low calorie beer for your dog. ( I guess this means "bowser" is always designated driver, right?)
- "Rear Gear": a flower shaped cardboard thingie that loops around the dogs tail and hangs over the asshole. ( Question: who's gonna hold that up when the dog needs to take a shit?)
- "Doggles": Yup, sunglasses for your pooch! (trying to get this contraption on your dogs head seems a little like trying to stick your hand in a basket of angry snakes without getting bit!)
- "Sexy Beast Perfume": $65 bottle of "unisex" scent for your special dog. ( for free you could wash your dog and then let it roll, wet, in the grass and dirt. Viola! Ode De Grass!)
- "Puppy Tweets": You guessed it--a device worn by your dog that translate his/her activity into 140 or less words.
It seems cat owners are just as shameless when it comes to their mousers.......
- "Purr Detector": a collar worn by your cat that lights up when the cat purrs. ( Unless you are deaf, you will always hear a cat's purr. What they needed to invent is a purr collar that helps you decipher from a happy purr and a pissed pussy purr!)
- a "Croc Cat Bed": A Croc shaped bed, fully lined for comfort. ( no words can describe the stoooopid of this one)
- "Backyard Cat": A pouch attached to your cats collar that supposedly keeps the cat off balance when trying to jump up and over a fence. (For the cat who has everything, a built in noose)
- "Litter Quitter": Toilet training kit for your cat ( I actually LIKE this idea! No more litter box? Sign me up!)
I leave you with this: what would happen to America's economy if we turned that 53 Billion we've spent on our pets an turned it, instead, into
- Creating more jobs
- Keeping our streets clean and safe
- More public housing
- Better educational system for our children
- Better health care
- Finding cures for Cancer, Alzheimer's, etc.
- Making it possible to eat fresh food without pesticides, hormones and other C R A P and without breaking the bank!
- Better care of our War Veterans
- Better and more shelters for the homeless
- Programs that will get the homeless back on their feet, out of the shelter and into a self sustaining job
- Finding ways to harness natural energy thus reducing our global "foot print"
Truth be told I don't think our pets really give a shit if they're current with today's fashion trends or purr-fectly painted toenails. I suspect that they DO care about their most basic and carnal needs: What and when will I eat today and where will I sleep and still be safe.......... just sayin.
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