How many times have you wished you had the balls to just pimp slap someone into next week? C'mon, you know you wish you could: that little old lady ahead of you in checkout talking about her dead husband while your milk soured and ice cream melted, the mother who ignored her screaming baby, the little girl sitting in front of you asking endless "WHY" questions--- maybe you've been the one to get slapped? There you are minding your own bees wax and blamo! You get whacked from behind and belly flop into ice cold water while onlookers cackled in hysteria. Don't be shy--- it happens to the best of us.
Case in point: Twitter. It went down for a while and no one knows what happened or why. I can tell you that it felt like being lost in a huge parking lot and not knowing where you parked the car. I think they call that PANIC and that's what it felt like, at least to me. Was it really upgrading? maintenance? someone forgot to pay the electric bill? What?! I do know for sure that from what little I could see, several thousands of people were highly pissed off, including myself. I mean how dare they just go offline without checking with us first!? Isn't there some time during the 24 hours that nearly everyone who uses Twitter is actually asleep? Couldn't they have dropped us all an email explaining what was going to happen or at least why is had happened?
Instead, we became lost souls wandering aimlessly like urban zombies staring at our smartphones in disbelief. Relationships crumbled, families were torn apart, countless pearls of knowledge and insight were lost in the winds of summer. There were moments of sheer terror as we realized Twitter, for whatever reason, was down and we had nothing left to do but participate in the real world. That sinking feeling every child feels when they realize summer vacation is over and school starts.... tomorrow. Weather reports went unreported, breaking news flashes left out to dry--mass anarchy ensued and we surely felt as if the zombie apocalypse was in fact upon us!
Now that Twitter has been fixed, or at least pretends to be fixed, life as we know it has been restored! Families can once again communicate with each other via Twitter from across their living room or kitchen table, relationships can continue to flourish! We can once again post pictures of our dinner, or cat or dog, our sleeping children. We can resume with the fart jokes, the girl thoughts, the boy thoughts. We can once again snuggle, satisfied, within our normal Twitter routines.
I leave you with this--- this is for you dear Twitter---next time I won't be so nice!
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