Home Sweet Home

Nothing makes you grateful for the comforts of home quite like a hospital. Although after having educated my nursing staff of the ways of this Ninja, the rest of my days and nights there were actually quite pleasant, serene  even. I have always had the gift of gab.........no....... really!  I use the gift to get into or out of most situations. All I need to do is ask a simple question or do something that is never expected.  Case in point: male nurse assigned to my night shift. Big tall scary looking guy. He walked into my room like Clint Eastwood and announced that nothing I could throw at him would ruffle his feathers... "I'm retired Navy I've seen stuff"--- Seriously?  I promptly threw my pillow at him hitting him smack in the face. His reply? "Good one."  Never saw it coming!
                                                                  

But I digress. I asked one question and he vomited a ton of information. His children come first, then his animals. He's in love with his 18 month old daughter ( I've seen her picture and she is so CUTE!) his dog ate a golf ball and ended up getting little holes throughout his intestines. Stand, my nurse, took him to vet only to find out that the surgery to repair said guts was off into the stratosphere. So he said put the dog down. The vet thought that the dog still had a long life in front of it so he offered to do the surgery for the $400 each that Stan had allotted all of his animals. Long story short the dog lived another 8 years and then had the same thing happen again. This time the vet said he would do the surgery for free and the dog lived another 6 years---old age set in, new and worsening health concerns overcame the dog so Stan lead the dog off into the woods and gently and lovingly said goodbye. Now he has a Rottweiler.
The following day my new nurse Holly puked her life's story as well. She met her husband and told him that the only way she would ever consider marriage is if she picked out the ring. He agreed, she picked her ring, they got married. They have 2 kids both girls and both with attitudes to make a Dallas Debutante blush.You can call her any name in the book but she'll slit your throat in your sleep if you call her "The 'c' word".  She also loves nursing by can't stand wound care; "creeps" her out. Which might be funny until you know that I was there to get wound care! So she asked the a specialized wound care team to ascend to my room. When I heard her story about queasy wound care I called her a pussy...she had to run around the floor looking for her eyes when they fell out. Never saw it coming!
                                                              

From that moment on she and I laughed and giggled and carried on like school girls. Word soon spread that patient N. Brown in room 536 was fun and funny!  The "PCT" (patient care tech) assigned to my nurse actually said "we'll miss you when you leave".  I may not be a great patient and only because I am feisty and determined to be self sufficient BUT when the moon is in the Seventh House And Jupiter aligns with Mars                                                    Then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.. when you don't wake me up and when you make sure I have a bottomless coffee cup...........