That's a GREAT idea!

In the last few weeks I've been thinking about divorce. Mine is looming large off in the distance.  I have to be honest I was not having any fun with that little nugget of knowledge. I was trying to think about how it would be civil between he and I, a win win. I didn't want to end up like my parents or my brother during their divorces. Keep it friendly............

Until I woke up one morning and realized staying married served no purpose to me. Every day for several years I've heard Walter (the soon to be Ex) criticize everything in great detail that he hates about both of his sons, his home, his life, his job, his wife. Why on earth did I want to stay married to that? Doing so, in my mind, would legitimately make me crazy!   
So I changed my medications from Prozac, Trazadone, and Ativan to Zoloft, Trazadone, and Ativan. That little cocktail of magic made all the difference. I got back into my battle gear and adopted the attitude of Bring it asshole! Yes, I've spent 20 years trying and crying. But it hasn't all been a total loss. I have two beautiful and smart sons. They can't stand their father any more which does make me sad but I've been warning Walter about this for years. They have gotten wise to his shenanigans and they have told me they aren't walking on egg shells for him any more. THAT was the wake up call I needed.  I'm done. Walter has screwed with me for the last time. He has burned all bridges with me and quite a few with his sons. This is all on him. It's not mine to fix any more. I can't tell you how happy I feel inside knowing that this problem is too big for me and that I can't fix it. I've done more than my fair share of both sabotaging and repairing.  Walter has made it more than clear that he hates having the responsibilities called wife and kids waiting for him at the end of every day. He has made it more than clear that he really has no emotional attachment to his family, that he comes first and foremost. I am not a " parasite" and neither are his kids ( they are teens and everything that is mine is theirs and so on)! I have brought more to any table than Walter could ever hope for, I have a purpose and I am important.

    I leave you with this........

My decision was made easy by his attitude alone but made etched in concrete this morning when he decided to go to Douglas with his "friend" and left NOTHING for his family to munch on in his absence. I would never allow any of my female readers to be treated like that so why would I allow MYSELF to continue to be treated like that? I  don't love him, I don't want to love him anymore because having loved him once cost me a great deal! I will survive without him because I've been doing that for the last 20 years. I will never cry because of him or for him, I'll cry happy tears when my sons and I share milestones. I almost hate to say it like this, but Walter is dead to me now. His loss, not mine.

P.S.  I think I have a divorce party when it's all over with.....yeah....that sounds like a great idea!