I used to think of myself as "fearless". I saw myself as capable of handling any and everything that I was faced with....well, except spiders, then I scream like a girl and make someone "kill it! Kill it!"....reeeeally hate spiders. So ok, I am almost fearless, don't judge.
I digress. Fear is a powerful emotion and has the power to stop us cold in our tracks be it a spider, high places, the dark, the basement or attic, fear of failure, rejection, or death itself, we all have something we fear. The recent Government shutdown left many in the icy grip of fear worried that there wasn't enough to go around; that food, money and resources would run out before the crisis would end. Pick any timeline on Twitter or Facebook and you can clearly see how tight the fear grip was.....and how quickly fear was replaced with anger when Congress waited till the 11th hour to come to our "rescue" only to creep out of town presumably to avoid the pelting of rotten tomatoes and harsh words from all affected. There really is no way to" sugar coat" what those bozos did in such a short time and how it affected so many now and perhaps beyond. Clearly, some branches of Government have gotten too big for their britches and when the time comes, we really need to vote for a change across the board!
Fear keeps us stuck. Stuck in the past and afraid to move forward. It seems that we would rather be stuck and miserable than go blindly into the perceived "unknown". We know what to be afraid of when we're stuck.....there is a certain amount if comfort that comes from being stuck. I know this all too well since I stayed stuck in a marriage that I knew was failing, had already failed. The fear of not knowing how I would manage on my own kept me stuck for 20 years. Being stuck and miserable gave me the illusion and comfort that I had control over myself, my sons, and my husband, the marriage, the problem. It was like a giant puzzle I had to figue out, piece by piece. Once I finished the puzzle, I woukd have all the ansers and having the answers meant I could fix the problem(s)/people. It wasn't until I failed at suicide and made the climb back to the top that I began to make peace with the notion that I will never have all the answers and that its okay not to. The best part?
Reality is fluid, always moving and changing. The answers I might have right now will not pertain to the event that unfolds seconds from now...... what a relief!
I actually don't have to worry any more about what I do or do not know. Since reality is ever flowing and changing, the answers will came as needed. That unknown that I was afraid of, was not the darkness I imagined, but mostly old programming, some of which wasn't even mine! Let's face it, half of what we believe came from our well meaning parents who, were "programmed" with their parents fear and so on down the line. As little kids we have no choice but to be captive to our parents' fears. I am not talking about the fear of us dying, getting badly burned or even kidnapped. Those fears are things that actually kept us safe, moderately healthy and free from kitchen disasters. I'm talking about those fears of inadequacy and lacking. The fears that if the children aren't perfect it will somehow shine the mirror of shame on the parents. The fears that the child or children that are to fat or too skinny will shine the mirror of neglect or over indulgence, the fears that the child or children who misbehave in public will shine the mirror of laziness on the part of the parents. My mother is a preachers daughter and so you can imagine the fears that her mother projected on to her and in turn were handed down to me. Here's the thing..... somewhere along the line we have to let go of all of those fears because we are not captive as adults. The only way you and I can remain captive to those fears is by choosing to keep them by building on or justifying them as real. In other words the boogy man is all in our heads and the dark scary closet is just that, a closet with the lights turned off.
Much of what we fear never ever happens and what does end up happening turns out not to be as bad as we thought. The truth is that the shutdown was only an inconvenience and also a chance to dig deeper to find what we're really made of both as induviduals and as a nation. The truth is that our fears are what we make them to be. We make them big and scary, we make them the things that keep us stuck.
When we can see our fears as "fig Newtons of your imagination" and merely speed bumps in life, we can face them, see them for what the are.......little people behind the curtain of our minds who pull levers that make loud sounds and a lot of smoke but nothing else. When the smoke and mirrors and loud sounds are revealed, we are suddenly able to live the life we were meant to live, one of ultimate peace where all of our needs are met and all is well......always.
Carry On~
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Choices
Every day we re faced with choices; what to eat for dinner, what shoes to wear with that outfit,whether or not to brush your teeth, whether you should eat the pizza or have a piece of fruit, which TV show to watch or to have the grande or the venti latte. Choices are everywhere and everyone faces them. Unfortunately, it seems, that we have for too long been comfortable in making choices that go against or truer nature; those that create discomfort not only for ourselves but for those around us. We choose to complain rather than exercise compassion, we choose anger over patience, resistance over assistance, worry over peace of mind.
I have caught myself making those same choices more than once and I am learning that once I recognize that I made it, I immediately have yet another choice: continue with that choice and ultimately make myself so depressed, angry and tired that I miss out on the simplicities of the day like cat snuggles, random hugs from my children, etc., or to immediately make a new choice, one of a more suitable and sustainable interaction with the event/day. I used to think that making a choice to be happy over sad was a breeze. I mean when you stop and realize that being happy has huge benefits on your environment, your mind, body and health how could not make that choice to be happy, right? I was surprised to find that 99% of the day was spent lamenting over this or that and usually something to do with the past and specifically my Ex. I discovered that I was reliving past arguments and apparently trying to rewrite the argument which might be okay if he and I were still married and the argument was to continue. But why on earth was I reliving something that happened 6 months ago and in doing so increasing my stress level, creating a space for angst throughout the day and harboring ill will towards him? He would never hear the words/dialogue I was having inside my head, he would never share in the anger I was feeling. He would also never have the chance to "defend" himself against the thoughts and feelings I was creating inside my head. So I alone was stewing in my own juices. This is true of any inner dialogue you have whether it be about your job, your boss, your kids, your whatever. Often you're the one who is pissed off and the people you are pissed off at have no clue and so they walk around in the day without a care in the world....and if you're like me that really pisses you off even more!
Recent events within our Government have created a space for just such an inner dialogue. I myself find it insane that as a way to protest Obamacare, the government has been shut down. I find it increasingly frustrating that taxpayers are the one's who ultimately suffer the repercussions of this shutdown especially in light of the fact that the people who "did this" will never feel the impact of their decisions. While we might have long memories and vote accordingly, they still will never feel the hunger in their bellies, the fear of not being able to pay the bills on time or who have applied for a loan to buy a new house and now have to hold their breath while everything is on hold. They will never feel the terror of losing their job, even if for just a while. They made poor decisions that will affect everyone BUT themselves. I really do in fact "get" the anger and dismay and disappointment and fear associated with his "numbskull" move. Here's the thing......
While our feelings are rational and justified, they fester within us and no one else. When we outwardly complain and rally the troops as it were, we are making a choice to remain in anger, in worry, in discord, in chaos. WHY? You suffer but you're not alone in that suffering. Your anger etc., flies out into the universe like a ripple on a still pond. What you get back in return is more of what you're angry about and quite honestly, WE ALL DESERVE BETTER and especially of ourselves! If you knew, actually knew and understood how your thoughts, your choices, your words affected the spider web we are all connected to, you might do things differently....I am optimistic of this. Let me assure you that it does affect the web. I've seen this in my own life and very recently. I woke up one morning in a foul mood. I don't know exactly why but I was pretty pissy. I kept it to myself but one by one as my kids entered into the room that I occupied, they started getting on edge and pissing each other off. Slowly the animals also started feeling the affects of my bad mood and the cats lay in wait for each other, the dog groused ......within an hour of me waking up the entire house was fighting with each other. When I changed my mood, the entire house changed. Think of a still pond in a lovely green forest, the morning sun glittering off it's surface. Maybe some fog floating above the stillness. Toss a rock into the pond and ripples echo toward the center. The splash of the rock alarmed the birds in the trees which alarmed the deer curled up on the forest floor enjoying the sun. The birds and the deer suddenly become fearful and with no real reason since it was just a rock but in that moment they flee from the perceived danger. THAT is what we do every time we make a choice to stay angry, to gossip, to worry, to relive the past, etc. Not only do we deprive ourselves of God's grace, safe in the knowledge that "this too shall pass", we deprive others of this same grace, this same knowledge......seems pretty selfish when you get down to brass tacks.
A few days ago ago I posted on FaceBook that I had taken 108 day challenge. That challenge was to find my passion, that thing that ignites my creativity and ultimately serve my fellow brothers and sisters. It was also to discover how much easier it is to choose
These are trying times, one in many before and many more to come. Now is not the time for anarchy but of choosing peace always. I want peace for myself, my sons, my home and for the world. I feel we are close though events might screech otherwise. I feel strongly that we are better than the events that unfold, we are better than we've come to expect of ourselves. Everything will in fact "be alright" and in the meantime I choose peace, happiness, compassion, love, loving kindness, knowledge and assistance. These are my true nature as they are yours.
~Namaste
I have caught myself making those same choices more than once and I am learning that once I recognize that I made it, I immediately have yet another choice: continue with that choice and ultimately make myself so depressed, angry and tired that I miss out on the simplicities of the day like cat snuggles, random hugs from my children, etc., or to immediately make a new choice, one of a more suitable and sustainable interaction with the event/day. I used to think that making a choice to be happy over sad was a breeze. I mean when you stop and realize that being happy has huge benefits on your environment, your mind, body and health how could not make that choice to be happy, right? I was surprised to find that 99% of the day was spent lamenting over this or that and usually something to do with the past and specifically my Ex. I discovered that I was reliving past arguments and apparently trying to rewrite the argument which might be okay if he and I were still married and the argument was to continue. But why on earth was I reliving something that happened 6 months ago and in doing so increasing my stress level, creating a space for angst throughout the day and harboring ill will towards him? He would never hear the words/dialogue I was having inside my head, he would never share in the anger I was feeling. He would also never have the chance to "defend" himself against the thoughts and feelings I was creating inside my head. So I alone was stewing in my own juices. This is true of any inner dialogue you have whether it be about your job, your boss, your kids, your whatever. Often you're the one who is pissed off and the people you are pissed off at have no clue and so they walk around in the day without a care in the world....and if you're like me that really pisses you off even more!
Recent events within our Government have created a space for just such an inner dialogue. I myself find it insane that as a way to protest Obamacare, the government has been shut down. I find it increasingly frustrating that taxpayers are the one's who ultimately suffer the repercussions of this shutdown especially in light of the fact that the people who "did this" will never feel the impact of their decisions. While we might have long memories and vote accordingly, they still will never feel the hunger in their bellies, the fear of not being able to pay the bills on time or who have applied for a loan to buy a new house and now have to hold their breath while everything is on hold. They will never feel the terror of losing their job, even if for just a while. They made poor decisions that will affect everyone BUT themselves. I really do in fact "get" the anger and dismay and disappointment and fear associated with his "numbskull" move. Here's the thing......
While our feelings are rational and justified, they fester within us and no one else. When we outwardly complain and rally the troops as it were, we are making a choice to remain in anger, in worry, in discord, in chaos. WHY? You suffer but you're not alone in that suffering. Your anger etc., flies out into the universe like a ripple on a still pond. What you get back in return is more of what you're angry about and quite honestly, WE ALL DESERVE BETTER and especially of ourselves! If you knew, actually knew and understood how your thoughts, your choices, your words affected the spider web we are all connected to, you might do things differently....I am optimistic of this. Let me assure you that it does affect the web. I've seen this in my own life and very recently. I woke up one morning in a foul mood. I don't know exactly why but I was pretty pissy. I kept it to myself but one by one as my kids entered into the room that I occupied, they started getting on edge and pissing each other off. Slowly the animals also started feeling the affects of my bad mood and the cats lay in wait for each other, the dog groused ......within an hour of me waking up the entire house was fighting with each other. When I changed my mood, the entire house changed. Think of a still pond in a lovely green forest, the morning sun glittering off it's surface. Maybe some fog floating above the stillness. Toss a rock into the pond and ripples echo toward the center. The splash of the rock alarmed the birds in the trees which alarmed the deer curled up on the forest floor enjoying the sun. The birds and the deer suddenly become fearful and with no real reason since it was just a rock but in that moment they flee from the perceived danger. THAT is what we do every time we make a choice to stay angry, to gossip, to worry, to relive the past, etc. Not only do we deprive ourselves of God's grace, safe in the knowledge that "this too shall pass", we deprive others of this same grace, this same knowledge......seems pretty selfish when you get down to brass tacks.
A few days ago ago I posted on FaceBook that I had taken 108 day challenge. That challenge was to find my passion, that thing that ignites my creativity and ultimately serve my fellow brothers and sisters. It was also to discover how much easier it is to choose
- Happiness over sadness
- Peace of mind over worry
- Compassion over anger
- Kindness over meanness
- Love over hate
- Knowledge over ignorance
These are trying times, one in many before and many more to come. Now is not the time for anarchy but of choosing peace always. I want peace for myself, my sons, my home and for the world. I feel we are close though events might screech otherwise. I feel strongly that we are better than the events that unfold, we are better than we've come to expect of ourselves. Everything will in fact "be alright" and in the meantime I choose peace, happiness, compassion, love, loving kindness, knowledge and assistance. These are my true nature as they are yours.
~Namaste
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