Savage?! Who you calling savage?

It is often misquoted: "music hath charms to soothe the savage beast". The actual quote is: "Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." Either way, music is pretty powerful. We all know that one (or two) song that instantly transports us back to a particular time in our lives. I can never hear Always and Forever by Heat Wave without thinking of my deceased best friend who was truly gifted in her voice. I can never hear Barbara Streisand without thinking of my better then best friend Bill Curby. My God Daughter can not listen to Chariots of Fire without recalling the 1st days of her life cradled on my chest listening to my heart beat.  Music has a away of carrying us to and through a wide range of emotions.

Very early in my teen years I discovered what was then (1970"s) a new genre of music known then as "Moog Music". The Moog synthesizer was a massive and complex machine capable of making unique sounds.It's creator Robert Moog is considered to be the "pioneer" of his time Walter (now Wendy) Carlos utilized this in his soundtrack "A Clockwork Orange". Today we hear musicians such as Yanni,Vangelis, Carbon Base Lifeforms, Tangerine Dream, and Moby (to name a few) use it in creating their haunting melodies. Over the decades this music has been labeled many things: new age, ambient, meditation, ambient trance and more. It is this music that I use to de-stress and recharge. It moves me right down to my soul!

Music has definitely evolved over the centuries. There are as many different genre's as their are stars in our galaxy. It's as diverse as life on this planet. It's funny trying to guess what type of person you might be based on your type of music. For instance: it's believed that people who listen to Jazz are intellectual. Classical enthusiasts are seen as snobs,and thinking highly of themselves. Rock fans are considered to be emotionally unstable and rebellious. People who listen to pop music mostly want to be unseen and thus considered "dim". Rap fans are disorganized and hostile. Those who are into Electronica are considered to be neurotic.  This is just one study done in 2009 in the UK. If you believe this study to be perfectly flawless and the answer to your burning desire to know what personality type you are based on your musical preferences...go happy. I know some people who do, in fact fit into these categories nicely and I see myself in everyone of these categories so what the hell does that mean?
                                                            
I'll leave you with this. I firmly believe that our musical preference is as unique as we are. Music, does indeed affect the human body and mind in scientifically proven ways.They say that thoughts become things and I subscribe to this theory. But what if our thoughts didn't only manifest physical ":things" but rather a unique rhythmic cosmic sound? Each of us is a unique member of a huge orchestra and our instruments are our thoughts and attitudes. If something like this does in fact exist, would it be angry violent music? Neurotic unorganized? Sad funeral music? Or maybe something like Celestial Soda Pop by Ray Lynch? We are each of responsible for our own actions. What we do today can have profound effects tomorrow or 10 years from now. This includes the energy or vibrations of our thoughts....our music. Worth some reflection, I'd wager.
                                                         

Hello Clarice.......

                                                                   

Lately I have been having some rather weird dreams. When I was younger if I had very graphic and bloody dreams I always knew it was about to be "that time" these days however, menopause has fully set in! I remember most of my dreams, especially the ones that are very detailed and vivid. I am also able to pick up the dream where I left off by laying back down in the bed. I don't know if if that is classified as "lucid dreams" but I find it particularly cool when I've awakened too early in the dream. I've been dreaming of people and places that I've not thought about before, characters in TV shows, and one particularly horrible dream that my oldest son saw me killed and, as I became the observer in the dream, my blood sprayed his horrified face. I posted a "tweet" that I had been having nightmares and I was amazed that several other people were also having nightmares. I also discovered my Mom was having nightmares as well! I find this to be rather perplexing, really. Is there a reason for this occurrence or is it merely a coincidence. Off to pay homage to the Google God!
                                                       
Did you know that when you type "what do my dreams mean? you end up with 28,800.00+ possible results?  It would be easy to get lost in trying to find the one page that best suits your need. The one thing I gathered from this exploration is that while there are some common threads or meanings to dreams, they are for the most part subjective and it's pretty difficult to really pluck true meaning to your dream about Johnny Depp or winning tonight's lottery drawing. Before I continue I should mention that recently I've been listening to Binaural Beats  in an attempt to reconnect with my psychic self, remain calm, and heal my body from a DNA level and out. As many of you already know my life with 2 teen boys, a husband that thinks he's still 10, and 3 animals is from time to time VERY stressful and often in some really stupid ways. It is imperative for me and my over all physical and mental health to remain calm at all costs so I have been on a journey to reaching my "Buddha" self.


Note: These apps can be found in Android Market under the iMobLife keyword. Most are free unless, of course you want the upgraded version. My personal opinion is that both free and paid versions work equally well. If you like variety as it pertains to background music then the tiny $13.00 fee is worth your time. There are also internet versions which are free to download.
                                                      
Back to my journey..... I went online to see what I could come up with as possible answers to my dreams. This one website stood out above all others DREAMS  It was here I discovered that when you dream of a hospital, either looking at or being in one, it symbolizes your need to improve your physical or mental health. Alternatively it could also mean you've given up control of your physical body (taken from above website) which I find to be very interesting since my health has been steadily going down hill for some time and I am constantly having internal dialogues with myself about giving up!  My mind says I can "do it" but my body begs the question " are you fucking kidding me right now?". On a personal note I am learning what my new limits are. I am learning to ask for and receive help. I'm learning that people mean well even when they offer ridiculous ideas of mobility.  They really want me to be better, perhaps more so than even me! I think that that's because through me they have to look smack into the face of their own mortality. While everyone has ideas and suggestions, some of which are worth exploring, ultimately they simply do not know what it feels like to walk to the bathroom under feet and knees that cause mind altering, suicidal pain!  It's a little like babysitters or grandparents; at the end of the day the children/child belong to someone else and you can walk away.
                                                     
I digress------- I still don't know what all my dreams mean and I am no closer to solving the riddle as to why so many others are having nightmares seemingly at the same time. But I do know that the binaural beats are opening my subconsciousness and that I will continue to listen to them. I am not crazy and don't need to see a doctor. No one can truly map out what dreams might actually mean, in my opinion. I think at best it's as personal as your own toothbrush. It's up to each of us to find the answers to our dreams. Our brains are really awesome organs--when given the chance it performs very well.  So what now?  Worst case scenario: I spent money I shouldn't have and I have pretty music. Best case scenario: I actually tap into my psychic self and that I actually heal my kidneys, lower my blood pressure,restore some mobility to my knees, stay calm in the face of tragedy and stress, and, who knows, even predict the winning lottery numbers.
                                                      I'll let you know!

Trying Times

When I woke up this morning I came out to the news reports of a seemingly random shooting in Aurora,Co during the midnight premier of the new Batman movie. I couldn't help but sit glued to the news …trying to find some answer for what had happened. I felt sickened and discouraged. I felt like I needed to cry. Its times like these that I am almost ashamed to be a American…a human. I was struck at eerie similarities between Jerrod Loughner and James Holmes. Both had been pulled received traffic tickets. Both had planned well ahead for maximum carnage. Both shot someone, well known, in the head.

I don't know what is happening in this world or why it is happening. As a parent, I struggle daily with a deep rooted fear that I will lose one of my own children in some horrific and senseless manner. It's all I can do to keep from sheltering them away in a cave somewhere and allowing the rest of the world to implode and destroy itself. A little part of me dies every time one of my children leaves the house and that same part that dies finds renewal when they return safe and whole. It's hard for me to feel anything but extreme anger and hatred for people like Loughner and Holmes. Who do they think they are to play God like that? I suspect that caught up in the moment, I would easily rally with others to run a full scale lynch mob. Some how "justice" could only be served by the immediate hanging death of those who seek to destroy us. Of course I would not do such a thing. However easy it may be to maintain "eye for an eye" mentality, it does nothing but create more burden where more is not needed.

I leave you with this thought: while it's hard to find good in people I am reminded that hope is still abundant when I look into the faces of my sons. While it's difficult to maintain faith in the "milk of human kindness", we are reminded that all is not lost as we gaze in the face of a newborn child or hear a child's laughter. Love still exists when we all perform "random acts of kindness" .  I know that we are a great nation and that we have seen such sorrow yet we have always stood united. We have risen like a Phoenix from the ashes to rebuild our homes, our hearts, our minds and our lives. Please, tonight as you go to sleep, count your blessings. Say a prayer for those who have lost loved ones and those who have been wounded. And, YES, say a prayer for James Holmes and his family--there is such a thing as Karma.When you struggle for answers as we all will do, remembering to remain faithful in love and kindness, keeps you aligned with the Universe.

                                                                    

Save The Eggs!

In my younger days I used to be a fashion model. As such I learned how to walk gracefully, daringly, sensually. Falling was never an option but I imagine if I ever did fall I would have done it perfectly!
                                                                

Okay okay I was never a model but I do know something about falling. I've fallen off bikes, out of trees. Fallen in crosswalks, fallen out of cars, fallen into cars, fallen down stairs, fallen into elevators, fallen off high heels and flip flops. Fallen into sidewalk cracks and potholes. Last week, I fell trying to get into my own house! The day I fell I was in charge of getting 2 dozen eggs inside the house and put in the fridge. I was carrying the eggs, my wallet and my cane. My legs were tired but the end was near....my computer chair was right inside the door waiting for me. I felt like Indiana Jones as he looked at the gold figurine trying to assess how much sand was needed to trick the pedestal/Altar on which the figure rested! I vaguely recall hearing the sound of an angels choir when I gazed at my chair and lusted for its wide seat, high back and wheels.


I have a trick where I use the handle of my cane to grab the edge of the door, pull it closer to me and use the door knob as an anchor to get into the house. As I reached for the door I immediately felt my right knee buckle and my thigh tighten. I remember hearing myself screeching "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" as if the word would magically envelope my body and set me up right....


Did you know that concrete gets pretty hot in the summer sun?


All I could think of was trying to fall in such a way that it would minimize further damage to my knees. My oldest reports he heard me screech, dropped the groceries he was holding and tried very hard to get behind me to keep me from falling.........

Gosh but the sky was so blue that morning!
                                                    
On  the ground--instant assessment of the situation revealed nothing more than bruised ego and gravel in my butt crack. Folks I am a survivor, a fighter. I almost died last summer. Spent 4 days in the hospital, 2 of which were in ICU. I walked out of the hospital even though many of my nursing staff didn't think I would...... I am not going down without a fight----well alright a whimper.

I am glad to report that about 30 minutes after getting inside the house and, through much gnashing of teeth, crying and screaming, I finally got my fat ass on the couch and into my chair.

By the way---no eggs were harmed in the telling of this true story!

aut viam inveniam aut faciam

Just this morning I was visited by the Witness. While I understand why they do what they do, I hate when they converge on my doorstep. And, true to my essence, I started ..........

                                                         

I wonder what lengths people will go to avoid opening the door and by the very act,agree to being accosted?! Again I turned to Google and wasn't disappointed. Here are some of the ways others have done:

•   When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm collecting for the     Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say, "Great, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"
• A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around.
• Answer the door naked
• Hang a pentagram on the front door
• Answer the door holding a bloody knife and a black cat
• MY way is to give a command to my large Pit Bull and allow her to do the talking for me.

NO matter what you think or may not think about Religion as a whole, you have to tip your hat to those who bravely walk up to a strangers door---especially in this day and age! During my fact finding I came to this startling conclusion:

GOOGLE is a Religion! No you say? Ponder on this...in any religion during times of great need and wisdom we turn to God for answers. We usually do this in the form of prayers and reading the bible or our church elders. Now, when you need an answer to, lets say. learn how to stand on your head and gargle peanut butter, where do you go for answers? If you need a recipe for, I don't know....hoosput, where do you find it? Don't remember how to spell authorization? Google does!

                                                        

                                           

In Religion followers of Christ are tempted. When this happens we blame it on Satan. With Google, we are also tempted. We call it wikipedia,yahoo answers and bing. In theory, Religion should not discriminate based on color, creed, beliefs, etc but too many times, does! Google doesn't -- Google doesn't care if you're black, white, yellow, brown, gay or straight. It will be there for you at 2 o'clock in the morning or 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Google doesn't care what color eyes or hair you have or if you're wearing your Sunday's best or jeans with holes in the knees and GOOGLE has billions of followers!


Yup, Google is a great religion! I wonder if that could be used a deterring objection the next time a Witness comes a calling?


P.S. the title of this post translates into: "I will either find a way or make one"-----Google be praised!

     

Some Assembly Required

When I was single I could stand in a checkout line near wailing babies or misbehaving tots and whisper really loudly "Kill it!"  I could not fathom how a parent could let their kid scream like that without intervening. I swore that if I ever became a Mom I would do things differently.

Now that I am a Mom I would not trade the job for all the money,gold or diamonds in the world (don't tell my kids though, they think I'm selling them back to China!). As a single person I used to hear countless jokes that always ended with the punchline "if only babies came with instructions!"

The road of parenthood is littered with potholes, sink holes, landmines, and the remains of our lives before children! Before children we stayed up late,and often slept in on weekends. As parents we fall, exhausted, into bed at 8p.m. Before children we always had time to look our best, as parents we schlep around haggard and worn. Before children we were adventurous and did really awesome things like bungee jumping, as parents we worry that we have enough life insurance. Before children we ate at the finest restaurants and ate things like steak tartar, as parents we're happy to eat hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. Before children we played grown up games like strip poker, as parents we play Go Fish. Before kids a sleeping baby was "such an Angel", as parents we know that sleeping baby is really the devil. 

If kids did actually come with instructions, here's what they would say (Spanish, French versions also available) :


" Congratulations on your new child. There are a few things you should know.

1. As babies they will cry a lot and for no apparent reason. Nothing you will do will make it better for the child but may ease your mind. During this time you will experience a dramatic decrease in sleep as well as an increase of under eye baggage. This is normal.
2. You may actually drop your new child.If this occurs it is because your child has been overly "wiggly" and usual during diaper changing. If this should happen simply hug the child tightly and sway back and forth until the child is calm again. This type of fall usually does not adversely affect the child but does add "Spunk" for later use.
3. As toddlers your new child will fall a lot. This is natural. When your child falls he/she will scream a horrific and ear piercing scream. Remain calm! The screaming is only a diversion. 
4. You may notice your child repeating things they have heard. Things such as Shit, Fuck, and Damn it. This is completely normal. This is also the time during which most children will inquire about the origins of other babies. It is recommended that you "Google it". 
5. As Pre-Teens your new child will suffer from an attitude. This usually includes eye rolls, heavy sighs, whispered "whatever" , stomping of feet and folded arms. This will last from the age of 10 through to the age of 15.
6. Your child will be making some remarkable stride in his/her life. They will be going through puberty which includes hormonal changes such as zits, increased testosterone or estrogen. In girls they will experience their periods and in boys they will refuse to take showers.
   The ages of 16-19 are usually the hardest transition for both child and parent. During this time you will struggle with a deep desire for your child to leave home and venture on his/her own. This stage usually causes a great despair especially in Mothers. Your child will be struggling with the desire to leave your home but may be overwhelmed with deep fear. This is also normal and should be ignored.
7. Once your child has left a new chapter will begin for both of you. You may expect to receive calls in the middle of the night asking how to's which include cooking and cleaning. This is also normal and may not change for many many years. Please refrain from wildly laughing as this will only insult your child. Instead, we suggest: Calmly ask if they have any idea how late it is and hang up!
8. In time your child will also have children. This is an exciting time for both you and your child! You will now be able to tell your child that "payback is a bitch!".

If you should experience anything not already mentioned in this instruction manual, please call customer service at: 1-866-curse-wrks.           

  

Women DO NOT fart!

I like to think of myself as a classy dame, but there are just somethings I can't help but to laugh at! That's right folks, I'm talking FARTS. We all get them, we all make them, we all blame someone else and even our pets. I was talking to my brother yesterday and he gasped as he admitted that he had just let out a really loud fart and may have been caught by one of his coworkers as they walked, unaware of the funk that would soon smash them in the face.

I told him not to worry because he could just cover his tracks by exclaiming that he was about to take his break, he smelled something really bad and walked into the hall to find out what it was. As luck would have it though, this coworker walked into a different door thus escaping his/her potential doom. That got me thinking...you know me well enough now to know that plenty of things get me to thinking. Hell, if you ain't thinking about "stuff" you might as well just call it quits on life. But I digress.....

I wondered if Google had the low down on farts. I was not disappointed. Would you believe there are pages and pages of gassy details! For instance: Farts are given sound by the vibrations of the anal opening and not the flapping of but cheeks. The amount of noise is determined by the velocity of the explosion. Or the distance a fart travels from ass to nose depends on many factors such as humidity, temp. and wind speed. And since farts disperse when they leave the anal area their potency actually diminishes....this no doubt is good news for the person about to receive said fart. 

There are any number of excuses we use in futile attempts to explain as explosions. Case in point: 

• My pimples pop really loud
• Someone stepped on a spider/duck
• Who is scratching the chalkboard with their nails?
• No, that is my new ringtone
• Was the thunder?
• What's burning?

Further digging and I actually came across a YouTube instructional video on " How to Light a Fart". I know first hand that you can actually light a fart on fire. I have brothers....they love trying to gag out their oldest and only sister! Even deeper digging and I happened upon the Urban Dictionary for the word FART....ya know, just in case you didn't already know what it was, right? 

                       

• To pass gas, poot, poof, rip, or toot. 
• Ass biscuit,ass thunder,thunder from down under
• Backdoor breeze, anal salute, ass cannon
• Butt Bugle, bottom burp and hairy butt harmony 

I leave you with this.....no matter what you think about farts............

                                           

Just not when you walk into one!