Women DO NOT fart!

I like to think of myself as a classy dame, but there are just somethings I can't help but to laugh at! That's right folks, I'm talking FARTS. We all get them, we all make them, we all blame someone else and even our pets. I was talking to my brother yesterday and he gasped as he admitted that he had just let out a really loud fart and may have been caught by one of his coworkers as they walked, unaware of the funk that would soon smash them in the face.

I told him not to worry because he could just cover his tracks by exclaiming that he was about to take his break, he smelled something really bad and walked into the hall to find out what it was. As luck would have it though, this coworker walked into a different door thus escaping his/her potential doom. That got me thinking...you know me well enough now to know that plenty of things get me to thinking. Hell, if you ain't thinking about "stuff" you might as well just call it quits on life. But I digress.....

I wondered if Google had the low down on farts. I was not disappointed. Would you believe there are pages and pages of gassy details! For instance: Farts are given sound by the vibrations of the anal opening and not the flapping of but cheeks. The amount of noise is determined by the velocity of the explosion. Or the distance a fart travels from ass to nose depends on many factors such as humidity, temp. and wind speed. And since farts disperse when they leave the anal area their potency actually diminishes....this no doubt is good news for the person about to receive said fart. 

There are any number of excuses we use in futile attempts to explain as explosions. Case in point: 

• My pimples pop really loud
• Someone stepped on a spider/duck
• Who is scratching the chalkboard with their nails?
• No, that is my new ringtone
• Was the thunder?
• What's burning?

Further digging and I actually came across a YouTube instructional video on " How to Light a Fart". I know first hand that you can actually light a fart on fire. I have brothers....they love trying to gag out their oldest and only sister! Even deeper digging and I happened upon the Urban Dictionary for the word FART....ya know, just in case you didn't already know what it was, right? 

                       

• To pass gas, poot, poof, rip, or toot. 
• Ass biscuit,ass thunder,thunder from down under
• Backdoor breeze, anal salute, ass cannon
• Butt Bugle, bottom burp and hairy butt harmony 

I leave you with this.....no matter what you think about farts............

                                           

Just not when you walk into one!